Exploring and Encouraging a Healthy Life Marked with Joy

Archive for May, 2013

Ten Things I Just Cannot Understand

Some things in life I simply Do Not Get.  Here are ten.

1.  How heavy airplanes fly.  I don’t buy all that fluid mechanics stuff.  Have you ever tried to LIFT or DRAG an airplane?!  Or stand behind one … and THRUST it forward?!  Come on.  That’s a lotta WEIGHT!

airfly

2.  How very pretty I think lard is.

Lard1

Lard2

lard

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3.  The Kardashians

Ustand1

4.  The big embarrassing fact that throughout my life, when I hear the song, “Ain’t Gonna Bump No More with No Big Fat Woman,” I cannot get it off my mind for days, weeks, sometimes months.  I feel like a politically incorrect sizist (that word looks funny), but I keep humming “Ain’t Gonna” anyway, often turning beet red for fear of being overheard.  And I have this insane desire to bump with every overweight woman I encounter at Big Lots.

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sizist2

(Confession: I loved My Big Fat Greek Wedding.)

5.  The periodic table of the elements.

Periodic-Table-of-Elements

6.  Mincemeat, or more specifically, mincemeat apple pie.

mincemeat

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7.  Men’s neck ties.  Why?

8.  The unfathomable (to me) discrepancy between our society’s overall abhorrence of violence and the blockbuster popularity of gratuitously and graphically over-the-top depiction of violence in so many movies and in popular entertainment.

violence

9.  Why teachers don’t earn more money.

(According to SI.com’s Fortunate 50, Floyd Mayweather Jr. is projected to be the highest-paid athlete in American sports for the second straight year, potentially earning between $90 million and $128 million.)

(Robert Downey Jr is set to become Hollywood’s first $100 million man.  From ET.)

(Hillary Clinton has wasted no time cashing in on the lecture circuit as it was revealed today that she will be charging $200,000  per speech.  From MailOnline.)

10.  My obsessive, immature love of Red Hots.   

RedHots1

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P.S.  I’m available to give speeches anywhere in the continental United States for a fee of $19.99 plus dinner at Applebees and a bag of Red Hots.

Whoa … Big Tip!

I LOVE the Good News Network’s recent story about a Steak and Shake waitress getting a HUGE tip.  I encourage you to take a couple of minutes to read it and watch the short video.

tip1

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/inspired/indianapolis-waitress-gets-446-tip-on-6-bill.html

Question:  Why aren’t more stories like this one seen more often in mainline news?

Other positive news sites: Odewire and Happy News.

Related post: Whose News?

Sunday Morning Quote — 5/19/13

“I choose to see with loving eyes.”

LEyes

Five Friday Happy Bringers (5/17/13)

Happy happy, bo-bappy.  Banana fanna, fo fappy. Fe fi mo mappy.  Happy!   (Did I do that right?  I’ve spent about 45 minutes, trying it out with every relative’s name I can think of.  I keep messing up.)

Friday.  Happy  Here’s Five:

1.  A little bundle of joy.

Bundle1

(Grandtwin Madison)

2.  This funny ad about rum.

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“When you hurry through life, you just get to the end faster.”

3.  Corn bread.  Here’s some I made to go with cabbage and sausage the other night.

Bundle6

4.  This great quote about talking your JOY.

Bundle3

5.  Grandtwin Matthew feeding Tyler.

Bundle2

May your weekend overflow with joy talk and joy walk.

Image

A Chosen You

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I Hate All That Erection–I mean “Autocorrection”!

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I wish so very much that I had sense enough to do what I tell my college writing students to do–proofread and edit written work before turning it in.  And I do, of course, when I’m working on an article, story, or essay, for example.  But texting?  That’s a whole other bull game, I mean ball game.  There are several issues.  First, my right thumb (which I text with) …

Thumb

… is about the size of a turkey peg, I mean leg, you buy at a Medieval Reenactment Weekend.  I very frequently hit the keys neighboring the key I actually want to hit, Wreck-It-Ralph-ishly.  And that causes communism, I mean communication problems, as well as wasted time.

Second, I have this idea that text messaging is like talking.  Seriously, when you are standing next to your friend Gertrude, and she asks you a  question, you answer right then, not stare at her for fifteen minutes, or two days, and then answer.  Right?

Well, I got the iPhone a couple of years ago.  Before that I had this ridiculously outdated belief that a phone was a device with which to TALK to other people.  I know, I know.  Stoopid.

Very soon I was sucked into the crazy world of wild massaging, I mean messaging.  I fell in love with it.  Who wouldn’t?  Just text Gertrude, “Hey Soul Sister.  Sup?” instead of having to talk dirty, I mean thirty minutes.  My problem, and apparently many folks’ problem, is that we text too fast.  And make big cakes, I mean mistakes.

Here’s a blog posting on this subject from hilarious Chris Hinton’s incredibly funny and intelligent blog, The Dimwit Diary.  The post is called “Ten Famous Autocorrected Quotes.”  (You might need to silence your political correctness a moment for this.)

http://thedimwitdiary.com/2013/04/10/10-famous-autocorrected-quotes/

Have a great lay, I mean pay, I mean gay, I mean say, I mean way, I mean bay, I MEAN DAY!

autocorrect

Excuse

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“Tell them, dear, that, if eyes were made for seeing,
Then beauty is its own excuse for Being.”

— “The Rhodora” by Ralph Waldo Emerson

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