This blog category is the journaling and journey-ing of my quest to say (with cautious sincerity) “Hello, Anxiety” and to take a look at the condition from my “me-andering” views.
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NOW — One of the most significant words in my life … right now.
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“Everything we do happens in the present moment. Thinking happens here. Remembering happens here. Feelings unfold in the now, and so do urges. NOW is where our lives are lived.”
— Forsyth and Eifert The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety
Why, oh why, do I keep forgetting (often purposefully) this dynamic truth?!
If you are a regular blog follower (and why on earth would you not be?), you may remember that I struggle with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), especially as it concerns my irrational fears of breathing issues and throwing up. TMI?
[Side-note: Other than the disgusting TMI above, I’m perfect. Don’t believe me? Okay, just ask HR.]
[Side-note #2: DO NOT try to contact HR for any reason in the foreseeable future. He has disappeared, and I will let you know when I find him.]
Mindfulness practice is trying its best to teach me that attending to right now, just as it is, even with thoughts and feelings of anxiety, is productive. Attending to now steers me away from negatively reacting to my anxiety with doomsday thoughts, emotions and behaviors. Mindfulness encourages me to simply pay attention to those thoughts emotions and behaviors, and to go on with my life.
Well, at least in theory.
My often but always-nonproductive strategy when dealing with the DA (Dragon Anxiety) is to fight it. Fight fire with fire. Denying it, ignoring it, feeling sorry for myself, comparing myself to all those “they-don’t-have-to-joke-about-being-perfect” people out there who NEVER think they are about to stop breathing right now. Or about to vomit. (How I hate that word.)
Whew.
Breathe.
So on this Thursday I set an intention to embrace Now.
I will try to make the best, healthiest choice that Forsyth and Eifert offer in my Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook:
“You can choose to continue your unpleasant experiences with hardness and negative energy. Or you can decide to be kinder and gentler with yourself, to create space between you and what your mind (based on old history) is telling you.”
I’ll try to let Neal’s Now actually be Neal’s Now.
[Side-note #3. I sorta found HR. So I guess you can ask him. I can deal with his answer. Besides his answer is not in Neal’s Now right Now.]
NealEnJoy 
The more I get to know you. the more I discover we have in common. I, too, struggle with anxiety, and medicate for it. Although ours does not manifest exactly the same way, it is not entirely different. I think what makes the difference between succumbing and overcoming is that you are trying to learn to deal with it in a rational way, so kudos to you. And thank you for being open and honest about it. I feel closer to you now because of it. I wish you calm and strength and clear thinking to see your way through. You’ve inspired me to post about my own struggles with anxiety in the near future. Sending hugs.
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Wow, yes you are right, SassyBear. We have a bunch in common. And trying to deal with anxiety is always my challenge. Peace and strength back to you!
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I just found your blog today when reading Sassybear’s blog. I look forward to your future posts. I am a retired teacher, (just retired) though I have to work one more year in a program that the school system has developed where I get about 20K over the next 7 years. I sometimes deal with anxiety myself, especially when I am not busy and I have too much time to think!
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I’m so glad you responded! Thanks. Retirement is terrific!
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I know it will be. I think I may have to get a part time job to help with money, but I don’t mind that. I have really enjoyed having this summer off as I imagine what it will be like when there will be no “school to go to”!
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