Here’s Where I’m Registered

So yesterday my older daughter Amy took my younger daughter Emily to “register” at Babies r Us.  You may remember that Em is pregnant with twins (a boy and a girl–still need a boy name–send suggestions, even though Emily is very stubborn and keeps rejecting all my perfect names which are derivations of “Neal”).  It seems that a baby shower (well, babies shower) is forthcoming.  You know the drill:  invitee goes to store where female (it’s almost ALWAYS a female who is so feted) has “registered,” looks over list of potential gifts being begged for, avoids the $79.99 item and settles for one between twenty and thirty bucks.  Right?

Now, don’t get me wrong–I’m really happy my daughter is having a baby shower and getting free gifts.  My billfold is also happy.

But I’ve NEVER had a shower.  (Hush, you know what I mean.)  A gift-getting shower.  And since my birthday is January 10, and everybody was out of money after holiday binge shopping, I usually got clearance items for birthday presents when I was growing up …  ALL DONE UP IN LEFTOVER CHRISTMAS WRAPPING PAPER!  (Note to self: therapy talking point.)  There I am, five years old, blowing candles off a hard fruitcake, staring in confusion as my family sings Happy Birthday to me and I try to make sense of my gifts wrapped in Baby-Jesus-in-a-Manger paper.  Didn’t we just celebrate His birthday?

So here’s what I decided to do to correct the wrongs of the past and make things right:  I’m going around and registering myself at various places.  I spent yesterday afternoon doing so.  Here are ten places where I’m registered.  Just saying.

1.  Dunkin Donuts

2.  Moe’s

3.  Liposuction.com

4.  Armani  (Only if get #3)

5.  Barnes and Noble

6.  The Dollar Tree  (Why pay more for party supplies and hydrogen peroxide?)

7.  Back in the Day Bakery

8.  Hotels.com

9.  Delta Airlines

10.  Bank of America

Thank you very much.