Posted in Five Friday Happy Bringers, Humor

Five Friday Happy Bringers (4/6/12)

It’s Friday, and even though it has been a couple of weeks since I posted the Happy Bringers, here’s what I’m happy about today:

1.  But before I tell you the first happy bringer, I have a confession.  Gather ’round.  For the past two weeks I have been without my laptop because it bit the byte.  I took it to a computer guy who had the nerve to say I should just throw the piece of junk away.  That really hurt my feelings, but he was right.  So anyway, I have been writing my posts from my iPhone (at least one person needs to tell me, with exclamation, what a grand job I’ve been doing).  By the way, back in February I was at a writing conference, and a presenter explained that one of her students (I think he was a SCAD Atlanta kid, probably with too much money, metallic blue hair on the left side of his head, pipe cleaner jeans and a smirk) wrote an ENTIRE ten-page research paper, complete with documentation ON HIS SMART PHONE.  Me, I have trouble simply texting because my fingers are so fat, and I’m always hitting an adjacent key and ending up with weird combinations of letters which Autocorrect then “corrects” into albeit correctly spelled words, buts ones which are NOT the ones I meant and are often grossly inappropriate, as if I use UrbanDictionary as my thesaurus.  And to make matters worse, I always seem to hit Send at the exact moment I decide to look at the screen for a too-late proofing.  (Me: “Yes, I think you shod bug that booty you’ve been wanting to read.”  Them: “Huh?  Neal, is this you?  What’s going on?  Where are you?”)

The first happy bringer, then, is that I have a new computer, which I took out of the box maybe an hour ago.  The coolest perk is that the keyboard has backlighting.  I haven’t figured out why or what good that is, but like my solid white tie, I’m glad I have it.

2.  So, still on the computer idea, my second happy bringer is my daughter and son-in-law who bought the new computer for me as a gift  (thank you!).  As I have gotten a bit older, I’ve developed this amazing strategy concerning the acquisition of goods and services: “Pout and Mope.”  (For this part of today’s post, please pretend you’re not reading a blog about happiness.  Pretend instead you’re reading a blog about, say, mental instability or the Kardashians.)  Pout and Mope works like this:  If I want something but can’t quite decide whether to buy it or not, or if I simply don’t want to pay for it, I quickly brainstorm strategies for getting myself sort of down emotionally.  To get in this fake-depressed state, I think about, I don’t know, Glenn Beck, or something.  Then I hang out where I think people will feel sorry for me and perhaps buy me what I want.  This works REALLY well if there are such folks at Best Buy, Haverty’s, Diamond Imporium or the Apple Store.

For example, for days I complained and moped that I didn’t have a computer to write my blog on (or to surf the web to “learn more about Jesus,” I added, since I thought that might get me a few nearing-Easter points) AND that my eyes were getting in pretty rough shape from having to squint so much with the iPhone blog posting AND also that I’m sure not getting any younger AND we should all do good for others while they’re still alive.  And then, WHAM!  A week later I’m writing on a lighted keyboard.

Moral of story:  If you see me on the street, and your first reaction is “Oh my gosh, WHAT could be wrong with him?!,” just buy me something.  Thank you.

3.  Making fun of Riboclavin.  You remember my hypochondriac buddy, right?  Every time he thinks he has a slight fever, in his mind he’s dead as a doornail.  Well, I regret to inform you that the mental deficiency has spread to Mrdillharris … HIS DOG.  Just look below; it’s so sad how people can sink to such depths.  (If you haven’t read Happy Bringer #2 above, don’t.)  The first pic is somewhat normal, a cute dog.  The second, well you be the judge.

I just don’t know what to do.  No clue.

4.  Allegra D

5.  Appreciating the Savannah iDoctor.  A while back, while simultaneously walking down the concrete steps just outside my second floor office at Georgia Southern AND checking my texts, I saw it happen a millisecond before it happened.  My phone slipped from my fingers (what caused that??) and flipped twice before crashing onto the first step below, then bouncing like a slinky onto the second, then the third.  Picking it up, Humpty Dumpty-ish, the face was, of course shattered.  I had a hip but thin case at the time.  I wanted to hurt or flunk somebody but instead called Apple who said via recording to send the phone in and expect a two-week return time and a large bill.  Riboclavin (from above–he comes in handy occasionally) told me about the Savannah iDoctor, who specializes in fixing iPhones broken by klutzes.  I was amazed: I dropped it off on Wilmington Island at 9 am, grabbed a sausage-egg biscuit and returned forty-five minutes later to find a brand-new-looking phone and a bill half what Apple asked.  (And a recommendation to get an Otterbox.)

Check Eric out if you need similar help:

Have a wonderfully fun and joyful weekend and Easter!

6 thoughts on “Five Friday Happy Bringers (4/6/12)

  1. That text looks exactly like every text I send, as well as every status update and/or Tweet I send from my iPhone. And I like the “just buy me something” philosophy! We Sicilians are masters of guilt, and I must say, that was some excellent work! 🙂


    1. Emma, we are soul-siblings! (Okay, okay, I’m probably your grandfather’s age.) Yes, finding ways to make others do our bidding is SO satisfying! But I haven’t tweeted yet (except in bird-calling contests). I just don’t get Twitter, like I don’t really understand how heavy airplanes fly or why Will Farrell keeps being asked to make more movies.


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