Posted in Humor

Staring Contest #2

Since after 14 hours I finally won Staring Contest #1 a while back, I decided to challenge a master, former GSU legendary head football coach Erk Russel in Staring Contest #2.







Oh I forgot to tell you, before the struggle of the two titans began, I invoked the time-honored tradition of rubbing the coach’s head to ensure victory.

(Hours, days pass.)

Yes!! Triumphant once again! So why is his name still up there?


Posted in Humor

The REAL Definition of NEAL

So I have this lower section of a bulletin board in my study, and on it I have placed ideas about future blog posts.

I didn’t really have anything particular in mind today so just grabbed one of the notes:










The first time I ran across, I thought, “Oh cool, a site to learn about city life–and to get clear on terms such as ‘mixed-use’ and ‘streetscape.'”   Boy, was I wrong!  You been there?  It’s a “dictionary” which is “written” by you and me, by visitors to the site.  Who needs Webster?!

Take the word “joy,” for example.  You would think, with writing a blog on the subject, I would know what it means, at least in a ballpark figure sort of way, right?  But no, oh no, I’m obviously clueless because according to UD, joy can mean “the hottest chick in the bar, who somehow always manages to get out of trouble.  Can be injury prone, but is a great kisser”  or “someone who is half-Jewish; a combination of the words Jew and goy.”  Boy, do I feel dumb.  Seems that a professorship ain’t worth nothing these days.

But refusing to leave well enough alone, and feeling a bit creative and trickster-ish, I came up with the masterful plan to go to UD and write/publish a definition for my name, Neal.  Again, urbandictionary beat me to the punch:  there are 12–TWELVE–definitions of Neal already there!  Here’s a sampling:

1. neal
1 Naturally born genious; prodigy.
2 Perfection.
3 The most eminent, pure, intelligent, gifted form of the human mind and being.
“That guy is almost as smart as Neal, but in all actuality he could never come close.”

Isn’t that cool how they use the word being defined in a sentence–to facilitate learning, I suppose?

Another UD def of Neal:

2. neal
cutter king.


everything the average human is not.


“Neal has entered the courts, all hail.”

I was on a Name High at this point!  You DO realize I’m not making this stuff up, right?  [Go check it out for yourself if you doubt me.  Like my seventh grade teacher Mr. Gene Norton doubted me when I told him that there was a yellow jacket attached to my scalp under my (popular, at the time) hair spray.  I remember feeling as if an ice pick was puncturing my head every five to seven seconds.  Somehow, I kept smiling.  Always do.]

Well, I kept reading’s definitions for my name.  Btw, here’s a rule you might wanna keep in mind with UD:  DO NOT KEEP READING. IT ALWAYS LEADS TO POOP AND/OR GENETALIA.

Definition #8:

8. neal
a nerd that you just have to love because he is so unattractive. he often gives hugs and acts embarassed when asked personal quesions.
Fally: “Haha, i love that kid!”

Uranus: “Ya,i  know. hes such a neal.”

Tears began to well up at this point, but I couldn’t stop myself.  Could you?

Def # 10:

10. Neal
Someone that has no friends,depends on his parents to stand up for him, can’t do anything for him self.Thinks everyone likes him and has no clue that he sucks as a human being.Talks about everyone else because he feels shitty about himself-Sad waste of life!
Person 1: “I need some gas for my car! Can I borrow  $10.00?
Person 2: “Quit being a “Neal” and get a job!”
Person 1: ” No one ever helps me out!!”
Person 2:  “Thats because you have no friends, and besides you’re a “Neal”!”

By this time, in the fetal position and whimpering “Mama,” I began to get angry–especially after reading definition 11–don’t read it!– and decided that I WOULD DECIDE WHAT NEAL MEANS!

I’m Neal!  And here’s what Neal means:

1. a good guy
2. an encourager
3. a happiness bringer
4. the ruler of the world (after 12/12/12)
“Whatcha mean you don’t know who’s in charge now? Didn’t you read the paper? Neal is. And I’m glad. You should be too.”

by NRuler on Mar 12, 2012


P.S. NRuler is me.  Well defined.