Here are four things I pretend to like:
1. Baked Lays. I really want to like them because they are supposedly better for you, but to me they taste a little like very thin cardboard. The next time I’m at Subway, I’m thinking about buying a bag of Baked Lays and a bag of regular Lays, switching the contents, and from then on keeping the regular bag with me as my cover.
2. Wal-Mart Greeters. I know, this is so mean of me, but REALLY, come on.
3. Green Tea. I drink it, but I don’t like it.
4. Elves. I don’t care if they’re from the North Pole or not, elves are creepy. I know I’m a fine one to talk, with my ears and all, but still.
And here are four things I like but pretend not to:
1. Susan Boyle. She’s the best thing that’s come along since The Beatles. I love this song:
(Maybe the outfits are a bit much for the English countryside.)
2. Gold Bond Powder. You don’t want me to get started. Let’s just say that if I can’t find my GB, everything this blog stands for disappears. EVERYTHING!
3. Pork Rinds. Barbequed, the kind they peddle at the Statesboro Fair in that little back alley where all the locally made food items are sold. I buy one BIG bag for immediate consumption and another for a midnight snack. The barbequed variety are really pretty hot, and I can’t feel my mouth for a day or two after the gorging, but they are worth the temporary inconvenience.
4. The Greeters at Moe’s. Like everyone else, I make fun of them: “Welcome to Moe’s!” I jokingly yell occasionally. But when I rush in for the Ruprict Nachos at lunchtime, and the workers behind the sneeze guard greet me with such enthusiastic passion, I get a little choked up, like they really care, and that I’m, well, “home.” (Now, if the Wal-Mart greeters did the same thing, the first list might just have three instead of four items.)
Now you know. And you’re smarter because of the knowing.