A blog category about finding “art” in unexpected places and situations.
So last night HR and I were at Bar Food Sports, one of our very favorite Savannah restaurants/bars.
We ordered the Carolina barbecue wings (extra veggies, with both blue cheese and ranch dressing, because we so disagree about that—causing near-relationship-ending issues), with a side of spring rolls. I know, I know, that’s mixing cultures and all kinds of things.
I was minding my own business, enjoying the vibe, when, lo and behold, I reached for a spring roll artistically placed on a bed of shredded lettuce, took a bite, asked Robert for a quick little kiss, looked down and saw this …
Both our last names start with S. “Saye” for me, “Smith” for HR.
“The universe must be telling us something!!!” I over-enthusiastically semi-shouted to Robert.
He stared at me, as if I were a child, picked up a wing and gnawed it to the bone.
1. Celebrating with daughter Amy adding another physician to her medical company here in Savannah, Coastal Care Partners. This time a young new pediatrician.
Amy is the redhead to the right. New physician Dr. Alexander is in the middle.
So of course, Robert and I had to get in on the action (and free food). Here we are with Amy and her hubby, co-partner Scott at the ribbon-cutting.
2. The wind beneath my wings.
Sweet chili pepper wings at Bar Food Sports in Savannah near us. Yum!!!
4. HR and I taking grandtwins Matthew and Madison, little Isabelle and ex-wife Donna to the Jepson Center for the Arts here in Savannah for a morning of exploration and joy.
4. The incredible ability to be thankful. And to recognize, celebrate all that we have — our lives, our breath, our hopes and dreams. Our feet and shoes to house them. Our fingers and their ability to touch.
5. HR letting me strategically place various items on his head for photographic practice …
… while he looks at a duck cookie sporting his name.
I hope you’re looking at a happy, healthy weekend ahead.
4. The sleek new white chairs in my therapist Rubi’s office
I am a firm believer that therapists ALWAYS strategically place items in their waiting areas with hidden (HA!), underlying (probably-childhood related) purposes. Here’s my theory about the photo above.
On second thought, I’ll just let the redecorated room itself—and the therapists whose clients wait in the room—speak for itself and themselves:
“Hi there. And welcome back! Look at how fresh and clean everything looks in our, we mean YOUR, waiting area. A tabla rosa-ness to it, don’t you think? This session you’re about to have can be a new beginning to your mental health. But remember we have to do it in 50 minutes. Sit down and make yourself comfortable.”
“The slanting brown legs on the chair? We’re glad you noticed, but come on, you get that, we’re sure. No? Being grounded of course. Connecting to Mother Earth. Therapy doesn’t go straight down and to the point all at once, for goodness sake. It has to slant, meander, hiccup around for a spell. Sometimes quite a spell. Over MULTIPLE 50-minute sessions. And the FOUR legs? Why earth, wind, fire and water, of course.”
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I’m sorry but I need to interrupt the room and the therapists for a second here. I took the above photo three weeks ago when the room was just being redone. Look closely at the seat part of the chair. See sort of a crack or opening? I did. And since Rubi had not called me back yet, I looked around to make sure there were no hidden cameras and did what comes naturally to me. I snooped. And, lo and behold, when I placed my hand on the seat part, it was loose. I hoisted it up. It had not been screwed down yet! Okay, again sorry, back to the room and therapists’ spill.
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“You might notice the chair is a bit wobbly. That your butt moves up and down and side to side while you’re sitting. No worries. You won’t fall out of it. Just steady yourself. After all, you’ve just got a few loose screws. WE MEAN THE CHAIR HAS GOT A FEW LOOSE SCREWS!!!”
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“Hi Neal,” Rubi greets me at my session three weeks ago. “Come on up.” I follow my therapist to his suite but quickly look back at the chair. And it seems to wiggle and wave a bit. I can’t tell if it is taunting or encouraging me.
This blog category is the journaling and journey-ing of my quest to say (with cautious sincerity) “Hello, Anxiety” and to take a look at the condition from my “me-andering” views.
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NOW — One of the most significant words in my life … right now.
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“Everything we do happens in the present moment. Thinking happens here. Remembering happens here. Feelings unfold in the now, and so do urges. NOW is where our lives are lived.”
— Forsyth and Eifert The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety
Why, oh why, do I keep forgetting (often purposefully) this dynamic truth?!
If you are a regular blog follower (and why on earth would you not be?), you may remember that I struggle with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), especially as it concerns my irrational fears of breathing issues and throwing up. TMI?
[Side-note: Other than the disgusting TMI above, I’m perfect. Don’t believe me? Okay, just ask HR.]
[Side-note #2: DO NOT try to contact HR for any reason in the foreseeable future. He has disappeared, and I will let you know when I find him.]
Mindfulness practice is trying its best to teach me that attending to right now, just as it is, even with thoughts and feelings of anxiety, is productive. Attending to now steers me away from negatively reacting to my anxiety with doomsday thoughts, emotions and behaviors. Mindfulness encourages me to simply pay attention to those thoughts emotions and behaviors, and to go on with my life.
Well, at least in theory.
My often but always-nonproductive strategy when dealing with the DA (Dragon Anxiety) is to fight it. Fight fire with fire. Denying it, ignoring it, feeling sorry for myself, comparing myself to all those “they-don’t-have-to-joke-about-being-perfect” people out there who NEVER think they are about to stop breathing right now. Or about to vomit. (How I hate that word.)
Whew.
Breathe.
So on this Thursday I set an intention to embrace Now.
I will try to make the best, healthiest choice that Forsyth and Eifert offer in my Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook:
“You can choose to continue your unpleasant experiences with hardness and negative energy. Or you can decide to be kinder and gentler with yourself, to create space between you and what your mind (based on old history) is telling you.”
I’ll try to let Neal’s Now actually be Neal’s Now.
[Side-note #3. I sorta found HR. So I guess you can ask him. I can deal with his answer. Besides his answer is not in Neal’s Now right Now.]
There is just so much ugliness and negativity in our world today. Many of us are struggling with heightened anxiety because of the nearly constant bad news showing up on our devices and making its way into our minds and bodies.
So I am going to try (emphasis on “try”) to lean into the lovely when I see it.
The endangered Longleaf Pine is my favorite tree, so on our travels, I love looking for Longleaf’s relatives. Here are some cousins HR and I saw while up in the Catskills recently.
I’m leaning into the lovely, life-enhancing pines.
Can you smell them? Deliciously healthy fragrance.
NealEnJoy 