Posted in Humor

The REAL Definition of NEAL

So I have this lower section of a bulletin board in my study, and on it I have placed ideas about future blog posts.

I didn’t really have anything particular in mind today so just grabbed one of the notes:










The first time I ran across, I thought, “Oh cool, a site to learn about city life–and to get clear on terms such as ‘mixed-use’ and ‘streetscape.'”   Boy, was I wrong!  You been there?  It’s a “dictionary” which is “written” by you and me, by visitors to the site.  Who needs Webster?!

Take the word “joy,” for example.  You would think, with writing a blog on the subject, I would know what it means, at least in a ballpark figure sort of way, right?  But no, oh no, I’m obviously clueless because according to UD, joy can mean “the hottest chick in the bar, who somehow always manages to get out of trouble.  Can be injury prone, but is a great kisser”  or “someone who is half-Jewish; a combination of the words Jew and goy.”  Boy, do I feel dumb.  Seems that a professorship ain’t worth nothing these days.

But refusing to leave well enough alone, and feeling a bit creative and trickster-ish, I came up with the masterful plan to go to UD and write/publish a definition for my name, Neal.  Again, urbandictionary beat me to the punch:  there are 12–TWELVE–definitions of Neal already there!  Here’s a sampling:

1. neal
1 Naturally born genious; prodigy.
2 Perfection.
3 The most eminent, pure, intelligent, gifted form of the human mind and being.
“That guy is almost as smart as Neal, but in all actuality he could never come close.”

Isn’t that cool how they use the word being defined in a sentence–to facilitate learning, I suppose?

Another UD def of Neal:

2. neal
cutter king.


everything the average human is not.


“Neal has entered the courts, all hail.”

I was on a Name High at this point!  You DO realize I’m not making this stuff up, right?  [Go check it out for yourself if you doubt me.  Like my seventh grade teacher Mr. Gene Norton doubted me when I told him that there was a yellow jacket attached to my scalp under my (popular, at the time) hair spray.  I remember feeling as if an ice pick was puncturing my head every five to seven seconds.  Somehow, I kept smiling.  Always do.]

Well, I kept reading’s definitions for my name.  Btw, here’s a rule you might wanna keep in mind with UD:  DO NOT KEEP READING. IT ALWAYS LEADS TO POOP AND/OR GENETALIA.

Definition #8:

8. neal
a nerd that you just have to love because he is so unattractive. he often gives hugs and acts embarassed when asked personal quesions.
Fally: “Haha, i love that kid!”

Uranus: “Ya,i  know. hes such a neal.”

Tears began to well up at this point, but I couldn’t stop myself.  Could you?

Def # 10:

10. Neal
Someone that has no friends,depends on his parents to stand up for him, can’t do anything for him self.Thinks everyone likes him and has no clue that he sucks as a human being.Talks about everyone else because he feels shitty about himself-Sad waste of life!
Person 1: “I need some gas for my car! Can I borrow  $10.00?
Person 2: “Quit being a “Neal” and get a job!”
Person 1: ” No one ever helps me out!!”
Person 2:  “Thats because you have no friends, and besides you’re a “Neal”!”

By this time, in the fetal position and whimpering “Mama,” I began to get angry–especially after reading definition 11–don’t read it!– and decided that I WOULD DECIDE WHAT NEAL MEANS!

I’m Neal!  And here’s what Neal means:

1. a good guy
2. an encourager
3. a happiness bringer
4. the ruler of the world (after 12/12/12)
“Whatcha mean you don’t know who’s in charge now? Didn’t you read the paper? Neal is. And I’m glad. You should be too.”

by NRuler on Mar 12, 2012


P.S. NRuler is me.  Well defined.

Posted in Uncategorized

Update–Twins Naming Contest

Okay, well here are the entries so far in the NAMING CONTEST for daughter Emily’s TWINS.  (See “I’m Having Twins!”  2/5/12.)  Emily is still insisting that she is going to be the one who names the twins; I just don’t know what I’m going to do with her.

** GIRL NAMES:                                          ** BOY NAMES:

Nealy, Nell  (VERY POPULAR)                    Neal, Neils  (VERY POPULAR)

Valerie                                                                Thatcher

Serena                                                                 Xavier

Grace                                                                   Conrad

Alexandra                                                           Thomas

Allison                                                                 Alex

Carly Ann                                                            Aiden

Madison                                                              Cray

Hayden                                                                Mason

Maggie                                                                 Kaleb

Anabelle                                                              Calvin

Augusta                                                               Hobbes


And even though the HGTV Dream Home Contest is now closed for entries, we are not.  Send more suggestions!

Posted in Uncategorized

I’m Having Twins! + The Naming Contest

I don’t mean me literally, of course.  Really, how gullible are you?  Actually I will be the grandfather of TWINS (!) sometime in August.  My younger daughter Emily gave us the exciting news a few weeks ago.  I simply didn’t believe her at first.  There are no twins in our family that I know of (although one time I saw a guy in Taos, NM, at a teacher’s conference who looked amazingly like me).

I still think of Em as the baby and the little girl who at one time had a collection of over 10,000 stickers (really) and who would count them regularly [truth!].  Hours of counting.  HOURS.  The name “Emily,” by the way, means “the diligent one.”  [“Neal” means “champion of the world.”  Just saying.]

Emily txted me and said it was okay to share the recent sonogram with you.  So here’s what the twins look like:







They are about an inch long here.  But what strikes me most is how intelligent they already look.

Em is working on names.  And I am trying to coerce/manipulate her into using names that I LIKE.  But the whole endeavor is getting muddled because

1)  Emily has always been strong-willed (her first words were “no way”) and for some reason SHE wants to name the babies, like I’m not a university professor and all.

2)  Then there’s the issue of whether the twins will be two girls, two boys or one of each (which in a way seems like a better deal).

3)  You have to decide if the names are going to rhyme (Roy/Coy) or not (Sylvia/Gertrude).  If I had a twin (and some folks believe we all have twins out there just waiting to be reunited with us–of course, most of those same people were simply devastated when Oprah ended), I would not want us to be named something so rhymingly predictable as Neal/Bill.  I would want his name to be cool and hip, maybe Creel or Steele.

If Emily’s twins are a boy and a girl, my first thoughts were Neal and Nealy.  But a problem with that is my first grandson Daniel (see “Introducing Mr. Happy” post) already has the middle name Neal.  Could I have two grandsons with the same name?  Maybe.  It’s 2012.  Two girls?  Nealy and Nell.  Two boys?  Neal and Niels.

I also like the name Thatcher for a boy.  (I actually do.)


I hearby open up a contest to help name the twins.  Like the HGTV Dream Home Contest, you can enter as many times as you like.  The prize will be really, really cool and very, very valuable.

Post your ideas!  We only have about eight more months.